No one knows exactly when drunk dialing became so mainstream, but it has greatly increased since 1998, when cell phones began to be as commonplace at social gatherings as morally handicapped people themselves.

The trend started when competition in the industry drove wireless rates down sharply. Subsequent inexpensive monthly calling plans made owning a cell phone cheaper than having a landline. In fact, many Hoboken residents have ditched home landlines altogether in favor of their compact cellular friend. Having access to a phone at all times is crucial in emergencies and convenient when traveling, but not conducive to one’s pride and sense of worth after 4 shots of Blackhaus or 6 apple martinis at City Bistro.

Some recent late-night travels through Hoboken opened my eyes and particularly my ears about the way Hoboken singles correspond with each other. After close observation it appears that, at least in the context of communications, we are not Generation X or Y. Instead we are Generation IG, as in Instant Gratification.

The advent of cellular devices has made the term “incommunicado” as passe as the concept of commitment. We use our cell phones so much that it appears as if we are getting paid by the word. As a result twenty and thirtysomethings have developed an almost obsessive need to articulate every inane thought they have via the wonders of wireless communication. Rest assured that as long as a cell phone has more than one bar of power and nights and weekends are free, there is nothing to stop society from ever shutting up.

Need an example? Take the 126 Bus from New York to Hoboken during rush hour sometime and let the nails-on-the-chalkboard conversations begin. The truly scary part is that our residents are for the most part college educated and therefore should be cognizant enough to realize when he or she may be SPEAKING LOUDLY ENOUGH FOR PENNSYLVANIA TO START COMPLAINING. The utterly irritating part is these discussions are as meaningless as the remainder of the Mets regular season games.

“What are you doing now?” is the most common question, followed exactly three seconds later by the predictable, “What are you doing later?”

You can feel the sense of urgency in the air. Yikes, this couldn’t wait ten minutes?

Matters get much uglier after single cell phone owners go out, binge drink, and then proceed to feel the need to reach out and awaken someone…at 2:30 AM. More and more often, if a sleepover isn’t arranged while on the town during the evening, the final and only solution is to drunk dial a friend…with privileges.

The cons outweigh the pros 10-1 when it comes to DD. Consequently, select residents are taking preventative measures to avoid humiliating themselves, including some through the power of the almighty Benjamin.

“My friend and I made a drunk dialing bet,” explains Beth Glueck, 28, a Curling Clubber on 11th and Clinton. “We vowed that the first time one of us drunk dialed a guy, that person owed the other $100.00.” When asked if she has claimed victory on this wager, Glueck declined to comment.

People like Beth seem to understand that drunk dialing has its pitfalls…mostly because the caller is at his or her most candid after a night of being overserved (“I didn’t drink too much. I was overserved”). Despite the mantra “honesty is the best policy,” bearing one’s soul anytime after 2:00 AM while walking down Washington Street is usually a very BAD thing. DD can result in heartfelt confessions, rambling diatribes, and proposals for after hour visits (“booty call” is the layman’s term).

The more insecure types use the drunk dial to invariably check up on their pseudo-partners to see if that person has attempted to trade up. This act usually leads to angry and sometimes baseless accusations of infidelity. If the drunk dialer is met with the abyss of voice mail, only the worst is assumed:

Sample: “The phone is off. I’m in voice mail…that can only mean one thing…She’s (He’s) hooking up!”

This logic isn’t exactly scientific, but usually at that time in the morning, one’s brain is no longer driving the bus.

Does DD provide instant gratification and a temporary cure for loneliness? Perhaps. However, like any addiction in its early introduction into society, DD is not on most health officials’ radar as of now. But only as this epidemic spreads and the number of quality relationships decreases while accidental birth rates rise will the scourge of drunk dialing truly be recognized.

Joe Concha is a weekly contributor for NBCSports.com and a feature writer for Hobokeni.com. He is currently making the awkward transition from the Summer of Conch to the Autumn of Tranquility.

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